HUMOR IN TECH-WRITING

What’s Fiction Got To Do With It*?

By Alfred P M.

* “It” refers to user manuals.

When was the last time you were curled up in bed, warm and cozy, almost breathless, with a user manual in your hand, waiting to flip to the next chapter?

It’s almost as likely as Mallika Sherawat being cast to play Mother Theresa in her next film.

Let’s face the facts. Apart from their known uses — like being used to raise the levels of computer monitors and as a cure for insomnia — user manuals aren’t exactly known for their capability to set your heart racing (as the mention of Mallika Sherawat in the earlier paragraph did for some people).

Why don’t people like to read user manuals?

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Because, quite frankly, they’re about as dry as a <insert dry-as-a-desert joke here>.

Here’s an example from that great publishing juggernaut, Microsoft:

task pane: A window within an Office application that provides commonly used commands. Its location and small size allow you to use these commands while still working on your files.

I don’t know about you, but I fell asleep somewhere during the second sentence. Now, consider this example:

task pane: Deep within the labyrinthine corridors of Office, there are secrets that are waiting to be discovered. Some are small, some are big, while others may never be found. The task pane is the secret key to unlocking the world of command cloning…

While I’ll be the first one to admit that I’m no Dan Brown, I’m sure that the second example did get your pulse racing just a wee bit. Think of what could happen to the user manual industry, if all technical writers started writing user manuals with this kind of language.

At the checkout counters at supermarkets, where user manuals would be stacked along with magazines like Elle, Cosmopolitan, and Good Housekeeping, you’d be privy to conversations like this:

“What’s that you’re reading?”

“MS-SQL Server 7.0 Administrative Guide.”

“Is it good?”

“It puts The Da Vinci Code to shame. Did you know that you can run SQL queries from your mobile phone now?”

“You’re kidding right?”

“No I’m not, and I’m still in the second chapter. I can’t wait to get to hierarchical queries. I’m going to read the SAP user guide next. I’ve already pre-ordered it on Amazon. I’ve heard it’s going to be a real page turner, all seventy thousand pages of it.”

Technical writers would also be invited to the parties, where people like Mallika Sherawat showed up, and they would be asked to talk about their work. The STC conference would be mobbed by the media. In short, technical writers would become celebrities.

And, why not? After all, technical writers are writers too. If fiction writers can use numerous writing techniques (and gratuitous adult content) to make their books sell and earn pot loads of money, why can’t we? We can even have a genre for vaporware — fantasy and science fiction.

So, it must become the new mantra of technical writers—use fiction techniques to make user manuals more entertaining. If we do get to meet Mallika Sherawat just because of this, well, tough luck.

Post-script — All copyrights to everything mentioned in this article are held by their respective owners, whoever they are.

(Copyright © 2005 Alfred P M. Rights offered to essay – First time Internet publishing rights. All rights revert to the writer on publication. Alfred P. M. is a technical writer and freelance writer living in Bangalore.)

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